Guest Column: Expressing Thanks For Family Caregivers

By: Jane Marks, AARP West Virginia State President
November 24, 2024

Each November, which is National Family Caregivers Month, we recognize the thousands of you who are helping older parents, grandparents, or spouses or other loved ones with everything from managing medications, bathing, dressing, finances, grocery shopping, doctor and hospital visits…the list can go on and on….as can the many challenges you face. Caregiving really crosses every demographic.

It’s every race, every religion, it’s every income bracket. Just here in WV we estimate there are approximately 250,000 family caregivers. And while Your contributions are quite simply invaluable, we also estimate that your unpaid labor is equal to $3 billion dollars! You deserve our gratitude and our support. It is fitting that this is also the month that we give thanks so let me take the opportunity to say it loud and clear - THANK YOU!

I am so proud of the many resources we offer family caregivers including a myriad of articles and information on our website. We just added new articles that include advice on caring for individuals with specific illnesses or conditions such as caring for someone with depression or caring for someone with kidney disease or dementia.

We have also added a new caregiving guide, the Military Caregiving Guide written for veterans and military families that can be downloaded for free. Please share our website, aarp.org/caregiving with family, friends, neighbors – anyone you know who be caring for a loved one. Another idea would be to print off an article or two and share with them. That may spur them to visit the website to find even more information.

I know from my time as a family caregiver as well as from many years of working with family caregivers, the holidays can be particularly challenging. We have now entered the season of high expectations, friends! There are expectations for the right menu, the right décor, the right gifts, even the right emotions! Yet, some of you may not be feeling thankful or cheerful now. You might be feeling angry or frustrated or sad.

Some of you may be grieving – either having lost a loved one or grieving what once was. Life has changed and somedays you are exhausted and may be simply trying to stay afloat. So, some personal advice from me for this holiday season – do what you choose or what you can, NOT what you think others expect. Give yourself a break from your own expectations as well. Drop the “shoulds”. Someone’s got to look out for you, and it might have to be YOU! You are doing your best – but you won’t do it perfectly every day, every time. Somedays you will be a better caregiver than other days – and that is ok.

Please know that we at AARP acknowledge your efforts and extend to you our heartfelt appreciation. AARP will continue our efforts to provide you with the best information and support we can, but also know we will continue to push our leaders to not only recognize family caregivers and your value, but to work to find solutions and supports at both the state and federal level.

For your Thanksgiving, I wish you a moment of quiet and peace. I hope you find some joy amidst the mayhem. Relish the turkey and pumpkin pie, or a cheeseburger, or a bowl of chicken noodle soup! (Remember to let go of those expectations – and maybe even take a nap!)

With my sincere gratitude for all you do,

Jane


- AARP West Virginia State President Jane Marks has more than 40 years of experience working in the non-profit, public policy and advocacy arena. Through her professional experience, including 12 years leading the Alzheimer’s Association, WV Chapter, as well as her personal experience serving as a family caregiver for her mother, Jane developed a broad knowledge and a keen awareness of the impact Alzheimer's or a related dementia has on families. She is acknowledged by health care professionals as a subject matter expert and is a published author of multiple journal articles on aging and Alzheimer's disease, as well as a creator of multiple training curriculum on aging and caregiver issues.